The Recovering Perfectionist

One of my dear, dear friends recently started a blog called "The Recovering Perfectionist." In it, she shares her story. She gave me permission to share it here:

A couple of years ago I began to worry about my appearance. I looked in the mirror and pointed out- and even made up- countless flaws. I compared myself to others and I became distressed. I’ve always had a perfectionistic nature, and I believed the countless lies around me that I was never enough. Little by little I become more obsessed with how I looked, and I saw food as something bad- and I thought that the less you had the better. The media was saying that carbs were bad, and fat foods were bad, and sugar was bad. And in my attempt to do everything perfectly, I started to count calories and restrict my intake. I didn’t realize that little by little I was leading myself deeper into a pit of destructive mental habits. Pretty soon food became my fear and my enemy. I became an unhealthy weight and my family was concerned. I was miserable. I felt trapped. False body perception wasn't the only thing that contributed to my eating disorder. I indulged in this false sense of control. But never were things more out of control. I couldn't go to activities with friends for fear that they would try to get me to eat  certain things that weren't on my list of acceptable foods. If I didn't exercise one day I felt like a complete failure. My family began to notice that I would make excuses to skip family meals. Meanwhile these unhealthy habits took control over more and more portions of my life. My mom tried to tell me that she thought I had a problem, but I was in denial. "A mental disorder? No, not me- I was fine." I told myself. But deep inside I knew I wasn't fine. I was cold, dizzy, moody, sick and stressed out all the time. My hair was falling out in frighteningly big amounts.I was terrified. How had I immobilized myself in such a way? Finally, I admitted with devastation that I really did have a problem. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was the beginning of a new freedom in my life. My mom and I constructed a healthy meal plan and I stopped exercising to give myself a chance to recover.  The road has been difficult, but so rewarding. I share my feelings with my mom, who is always gives me further light and knowledge. I also decided to visit with a counselor weekly, even though I was gaining weight and doing better, because I still was having some irrational fears and concerns. This really helps me to see what skills I can work on and how I can achieve better self confidence. I share my story as a message of hope. We can and will win this war. Whether it be a battle of depression, mental illness, addiction- or any other thought habit holding us back. These wars of the mind can be overcome.

Now you may think that to all of her friends this was obvious. She describes how she became unhealthily thin and was avoiding friend gatherings; but the truth is... I had no idea. The way I saw my dear friend was as a sweet, gorgeous, talented young woman and a wonderful friend. I had no clue that she was struggling with an eating disorder.

Please be aware of this epidemic. My friend has some great resources on her blog and there are other places out there where you can also get help, or where your friends can get help. 

“Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. … God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there” ~Thomas S Monson