My Three Wishes

Like most adults, the day had come when I felt incapacitated by my to-do list. I had homework, housework, a puppy to manage, and a husband to bond with and I didn't know where to start. I ended up breaking down in the shower, and as I talked to myself, I came up with my three wishes. They weren't general helps, like more patience or more time; I wanted someone to walk Zoe, to make dinner, and to wash the mountain of dishes. Everything else, I felt I could manage. If Zoe wasn't jumping on me, I could study better. If the mountain of dishes wasn't judging me, I could clean the rest of the apartment in peace, etc. If only someone could come and magically grant my wishes. 

My wishes were granted, but it wasn't magic. I messaged my husband, letting him know that I couldn't make dinner, so he could decide if he wanted to get something or make something. He came home and cooked! Wish number one. I found an assignment that involved watching a documentary and watched that as I washed the dishes. Wish number two. The next day, I decided that it was important to take time for Zoe, so I took her on a walk. Wish number three! When I realized that I had granted my own wishes (with help from my husband), it was so empowering. I had managed to grant not only those wishes but finish my other responsibilities as well. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, by Phillip Brooks:
“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."

In Numbers 14, Moses and the children of Israel finally have the Promised Land within their reach. But then the spies that Moses sent to scout for the fruits of the land come back with bad news--the land is already populated by giant, strong men. The spies and many of the people lose faith in the power of God and despair. "Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness!" (vs. 2). How incredible that these people, having seen all they have seen of God's power, would give up on Him. The Lord says, "how long will it be ere they believe me, for all the signs which I have shewed among them?" (vs. 11) Joshua and Caleb try to reassure them and reanimate their faith: "The land, which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land. If the Lord delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey. Only rebel not ye against the Lord, neither fear ye the people of the land..." (vs. 7-9)

Sometimes life is overwhelming. Our Promised Land might look beautiful, but it requires faith and work to get there. Are we willing to trust in the Lord? Are we willing to look past the challenges and into the beauty that we're fighting for?

There is a second part to the story from Numbers 14. After being told that they wouldn't be able to enter the Promised Land, a group of people decided not to wait. They decided to go in their own strength to take the land. Moses warned them that they were going against the word of God and wouldn't have Him with them. But they went anyway and were killed.  

At the time when I made my three wishes, I was preparing for a book discussion on "The Tao of Pooh," which discusses Taoism and finding peace according to Winnie the Pooh. One of my favorite parts tells a fable of a river that is so wild and fast and full of rocks, that anyone who entered the river died. But one day, a boy saw an old man in the water, bobbing up and down. The boy called for help, but the old man emerged unscathed. When asked how he did it, the old man replied that he had learned long ago to go with the flow of the river, to submit to its superior power. 

We might become impatient as we are working towards our blessings. At those times, we should remember to seek the will of God. He has the power to help us, but we need to trust in His plan and His timing. 

Why I Need God in My Life

Yesterday, in a regional church meeting (Stake Conference), someone who recently got baptized shared a bit of his "conversion story" (why he decided to join the Church). He talked about how he really didn't have any huge challenges in his life, so he didn't see why he needed God or religion. But he received an answer to his prayers and decided to be baptized. Since then, he said, only good things have come into his life.

So why do I feel like I need God in my life?
Life can be terrible. There's depression, failure, setbacks, death, illness. If I didn't have hope in a Power that was looking down on me and helping me through those trials, they could be unbearable.
Life can be beautiful. Peaceful sunrises, laughter with friends and family, inspiring music, adorable animals, warmth and comfort, baby's smiles. I have somebody that I can thank for all of those amazing things. And I can take them as a personal message of love meant just for me from my Heavenly Father.
Life can be stressful. College, rent, dreams just out of reach. But I know that I can kneel down and pray, take some quiet time in nature, or sit in the Lord's house to find peace and answers.
Life is full of promise. My belief in God tells me that He has a plan for me and for all of us. There is a way to live that brings us happiness. There is a path back to His realm-- our home.

This path is His Plan of Happiness.

I know that God lives and loves each of us personally. He created a plan and sent a Savior to help us become the best and happiest people that we can be.

The Anti-Nephi-Lehies

One of the most inspiring stories in the Book of Mormon is the story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies--also known as the people of Ammon.
These people were Lamanites who had separated themselves from the other Lamanites because they had been converted and now believed in God. The other Lamanites were angry with the Anti-Nephi-Lehies. They probably felt betrayed and confused by the change in their friends and former brothers-in-arms. The Lamanites prepared to go to war against the Anti-Nephi-Lehies.
When the Anti-Nephi-Lehies heard about the preparations, they were naturally scared. The king and the prophet counseled together and with God to decide what to do. They felt inspired that they should not fight against the Lamanites.
In fact, they gathered together all of the people and challenged them to make a covenant with God: that they would never raise a weapon against anyone ever again. As a symbol of that covenant, every single person took their weapons and threw them into a pit, burying them where they couldn't be reached.
When the Lamanites were ready, they came and attacked the Anti-Nephi-Lehies. As they'd agreed, the Anti-Nephi-Lehies didn't fight back. Instead they knelt down and prayed to Heavenly Father.

22 And thus without meeting any resistance, they did slay (1,005) of them; and we know that they are blessed, for they have gone to dwell with their God.
23 Now when the Lamanites saw that their brethren would not flee from the sword, neither would they turn aside to the right hand or to the left, but that they would lie down and perish, and praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword—
24 Now when the Lamanites saw this they did forbearfrom slaying them; and there were many whose hearts hadswollen in them for those of their brethren who had fallen under the sword, for they repented of the things which they had done.
25 And it came to pass that they threw down their weapons of war, and they would not take them again, for they were stung for the murders which they had committed; and they came down even as their brethren, relying upon the mercies of those whose arms were lifted to slay them.
26 And it came to pass that the people of God were joined that day by more than the number who had been slain; and those who had been slain were righteous people, therefore we have no reason to doubt but what they were saved. (Alma 24)

 When I read through this story last, I had a few cool thoughts I'd like to share.
I wondered why, when Heavenly Father had saved so many people who placed their trust in Him, He chose not to save the Anti-Nephi-Lehies. Then I remembered that only a generation after these people came the 2,000 Stripling Warriors (read that story here). These young men were protected by the mighty power of God... and maybe by 1,005 angels as well.
The example of faith that their uncles, fathers, mothers, sisters, aunts, grandparents, cousins, and many others who died for their covenants must have also been a powerful force for the young men.

Finally, I thought of the question in "The War Room" (amazing movie, you should watch it). "Do I just let him walk all over me?"
The Anti-Nephi-Lehies not only were walked over, they were killed.

For a man to lay down his all, his character and reputation, his honor, and applause, his good name among men, his houses, his lands, his brothers and sisters, his wife and children, and even his own life also—counting all things but filth and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ—requires more than mere belief or supposition that he is doing the will of God; but actual knowledge, realizing that, when those sufferings are ended, he will enter into eternal rest, and be a partaker of the glory of God.   ~Joseph Smith

Although many of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies were killed, many more people were converted. And through the scriptures we can know that those who were killed were taken up to heaven.

This story has come to mean much more to me. To me it is now a story of how a large group of people, unified in faith, can find new life through conversion and through the resurrection.

"Could you not watch with me one hour?"

I was thinking last Sunday about the disciples who were with Jesus in the garden. Even after all of His teachings, they didn't understand that this was the final night they'd be with Him.
So they fell asleep.
As He saw their faces and felt their sins, they slept.
Of course, they didn't know that this was the most important night in history. And they probably weren't the only ones to sleep. Hundreds of people slept that night and billions of people were saved from hell.
As angels in heaven, I'm sure we were watching in wonder and awe. I'm sure we wondered how the disciples could sleep when they were only a few yards away from the Savior as He bled from every pore.

But as I pondered this, I looked at my own life. Am I missing important experiences? Are there times when I'm giggling with my friends while everyone else is having a defining spiritual experience? Am I too busy to answer a friend when they call me for comfort?

President Jeffery R Holland shared one woman's story about when her husband watched for his one hour:
“I want to tell you about the moment I ceased resenting my husband’s time and sacrifice as a bishop. It had seemed uncanny how an ‘emergency’ would arise with a ward member just when he and I were about to go out to do something special together.
“One day I poured out my frustration, and my husband agreed we should guarantee, in addition to Monday nights, one additional night a week just for us. Well, the first ‘date night’ came, and we were about to get into the car for an evening together when the telephone rang.
“‘This is a test,’ I smiled at him. The telephone kept ringing. ‘Remember our agreement. Remember our date. Remember me. Let the phone ring.’ In the end I wasn’t smiling.

“My poor husband looked trapped between me and a ringing telephone. I really did know that his highest loyalty was to me, and I knew he wanted that evening as much as I did. But he seemed paralyzed by the sound of that telephone.
“‘I’d better at least check,’ he said with sad eyes. ‘It is probably nothing at all.’
“‘If you do, our date is ruined,’ I cried. ‘I just know it.’
“He squeezed my hand and said, ‘Be right back,’ and he dashed in to pick up the telephone.
“Well, when my husband didn’t return to the car immediately, I knew what was happening. I got out of the car, went into the house, and went to bed. The next morning he spoke a quiet apology, I spoke an even quieter acceptance, and that was the end of it.
“Or so I thought. I found the event still bothering me several weeks later. I wasn’t blaming my husband, but I was disappointed nevertheless. The memory was still fresh when I came upon a woman in the ward I scarcely knew. Very hesitantly, she asked for the opportunity to talk. She then told of becoming infatuated with another man, who seemed to bring excitement into her life of drudgery, she with a husband who worked full-time and carried a full load of classes at the university. Their apartment was confining. She had small children who were often demanding, noisy, and exhausting. She said: ‘I was sorely tempted to leave what I saw as my wretched state and just go with this man. My situation was such that I felt I deserved better than what I had. My rationalization persuaded me to think I could walk away from my husband, my children, my temple covenants, and my Church and find happiness with a stranger.’
“She said: ‘The plan was set; the time for my escape was agreed upon. Yet, as if in a last gasp of sanity, my conscience told me to call your husband, my bishop. I say “conscience,” but I know that was a spiritual prompting directly from heaven. Almost against my will, I called. The telephone rang and rang and rang. Such was the state of my mind that I actually thought, “If the bishop doesn’t answer, that will be a sign I should go through with my plan.” The phone kept ringing, and I was about to hang up and walk straight into destruction when suddenly I heard your husband’s voice. It penetrated my soul like lightning. Suddenly I heard myself sobbing, saying, “Bishop, is that you? I am in trouble. I need help.” Your husband came with help, and I am safe today because he answered that telephone.
“‘I look back and realize I was tired and foolish and vulnerable. I love my husband and my children with all my heart. I can’t imagine the tragedy my life would be without them. These are still demanding times for our family. I know everyone has them. But we have addressed some of these issues, and things are looking brighter. They always do eventually.’ Then she said: ‘I don’t know you well, but I wish to thank you for supporting your husband in his calling. I don’t know what the cost for such service has been to you or to your children, but if on a difficult day there is a particularly personal cost, please know how eternally grateful I will be for the sacrifice people like you make to help rescue people like me.’”
I know that as we follow the Spirit, we will be guided to moments of amazing spiritual growth. But when we get there, we can't fall asleep. Satan will tempt us, tell us we deserve a break.
Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to have eternal peace and rest with Him. Trust Him, and watch with Him for this one hour.

Peace be unto You Because of your Faith

This week, I posted the scripture Helaman 5:47 on my wall.

"Peace, peace be unto you because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world."

Today in family scripture study, we read about Alma (senior) and his people living peacefully before the Lamanites came and captured them. Someone pointed out that Alma and his people were righteous and listened to the Lord whenever He commanded them to do something. On the other hand, King Limhi's people (the ones who stayed behind when Alma and his followers fled) were sketchy at best.
But both groups were brought into bondage. The good guys and the not-so-good guys.
Why would following God's directions lead Alma's people into bondage?

When I think about the differences between these two groups, a few things stand out.
First of all, because each of these groups was brought into bondage they were motivated and given the opportunity to get back to Zarahemla to join the rest of the Nephites.
Secondly, while the people of Limhi were in captivity many of them died because of the many wars they fought. But the people of Alma were close to the Lord and knew the correct actions to take. When the people of Limhi were finally humbled and converted, they didn't have anyone with the authority to baptize them or receive revelation for them. But the people of Alma were almost all already baptized and close to God.

As we have a foundation of faith, I know we are able to find peace in our trials.

Overwhelmed?

Oh my goodness. Talk about divine help. I just finished a long, exhausting day. Got onto my email, and what did I find? A list of more things to do :S.

Also in my email, I found this quote:

"My dear brothers and sisters, there will be days and nights when you feel overwhelmed, when your hearts are heavy and your heads hang down. Then, please remember, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, is the Head of this Church. It is His gospel. He wants you to succeed. He gave His life for just this purpose. He is the Son of the living God. And He will help you.” —President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

The very presence of the quote in my inbox was a manifestation of His awareness of me.
I'm so grateful for the Holy Spirit and inspired leaders who are able to send us comfort and guidance.

12 Days of Easter: Day 3, He is Here

What a beautiful Easter Video!!
He is Here. In this little hotel room, when I'm far away from home and taking care of a rambunctious 4 year old at 11 pm He is still Here.
I can feel the Spirit as I watch this video, and I hope you can, too.

(The next day...) I was thinking about this post during sacrament meeting and put together these thoughts.
He is Here.
Here in this Church. With the small babies, elderly couples, and the families. With the boys and girls, gentlemen and ladies.
He is in this Room. He sees the sunflowers and hibiscus, the beautiful brown tiles, the dark blue seats.
He is in the Music. As we sing His praises He joins our song. He comes closer to us than ever before.
He comes through the Spirit. Comes to our hearts, to our minds. And we are able to feel His presence-- His Love.
The Love that took Him to the garden. The Love that brought Him up the hill. The Love that carried Him to the Cross.
His friends mourned Him and buried Him. They saw His body, but He was not there.
Three days passed. "He is not here." No, He was no longer in the tomb. No longer in death

HE IS RISEN

He is Here.

He is with you. He is with me.

Willingly, He sacrificed everything for us.

Freely, He now shares His love and peace.

Always Remember... 

He is Here.

Depression-- This Post is Important to EVERYONE

Elder Jeffery R Holland spoke multiple times about depression, and finding a way out.
Here is his most recent talk (Like a Broken Vessel), with specifically addresses MDD, but offers comfort to everyone.
These two are similar in their comforting words, but may better help you, or those you know.
"Look to God and Live"
Broken Things to Mend

Please send at least this video to anyone you know or feel may be suffering. Please know that people love you and are praying for you. I know that angels are looking down at you, and cheering you on. It may seem bleak and hopeless, but as you open your heart, God will pour light into your life, and you can make it out of your dark places.

7 Ways to make Today a Great Day!

In Sacrament Meeting today, someone shared 7 things they do each morning to help their day go well. I was really excited, because I'm tired of feeling sad and grumpy in the morning. Unfortunately, I didn't write the things down :S. So here are my own 7 things to do each day, and how I'll get them in in the morning:

1.Stand up for my beliefs; post here :) (btw, sorry I haven't posted in forever. Life got to me, I guess :S)
2. Remember who I am; listen to a beautiful song from Youth Music, and share it on my Remembrance blog.
3. Remember Him; pray (with a question, preferrably), read my scriptures, and journal about what I've learned.
4. Smile!
5. Lift someone up; send an email, write a note to someone I'll see that day
6. Fulfill my responsibilities; make a list of things to do that day.
7. Look up, and see God's hand in my life; journal a gratitude list.

Here are some other lists that people use.
Ways to be Happy:
1. Smile
2. Say something nice about someone
3. Do something nice for someone.
4. Thank God for as many things as you can
5. Become an anti-complainer
6. Spend time with someone happy
7. Do unto others

Behaviors that can make you Happy:
1. Listen to or read something that inspires you.

2. Make your body stronger and more resilient.

3. Review and hone your plans for the future.

4. Do at least one thing that's worthwhile.

5. Help somebody less fortunate.

6. Spend 20 seconds appreciating what you have.

7. Record at least one good memory.

If you'll notice, all of these lists have two things in common: gratitude, and service.

This makes sense, if you think about it. If you're forever grumbling about what you don't have, or not realizing how blessed you are, you won't find any reason to be happy, either. 

Along with that, if you're always centered on yourself, you don't get a chance to feel real happiness. Service allows you to step outside of yourself. There's a story about a girl who had a really hard time with her self esteem and happiness until she went to Zambia. While there, she saw how happy everyone was, even though (by our standards) they had every reason to be unhappy. That helped her put things into perspective.

I know that even if you don't officially set aside a time to do 7 things, if you at least have an attitude of gratitude, and take opportunities to lift others up, that you'll have a happier and more fulfilled life.

A BEAUTIFUL post by my mom

http://mylazarusquest.blogspot.com/2014/03/when-child-weeps.html

I absolutely loved this post when I read it. It reminded me somewhat of a talk in Church today that a missionary gave. He said that we often think of the Atonement just being there when we need to repent (which it is). But it is also there whenever we're in pain, or going through something bad. It's there for every negative cricumstance we may encounter, and it will help us get through it.

General Conference!

Sorry. I'm bad at keeping up with my blogs :S.
But at least I'm here now, right?

I just finished listening to the first session of General Conference. I'd been advised by leaders to write down questions that I had, but I couldn't think of any questions. Finally, as this session was starting, a big question that I've been pondering came to mind, and I wrote it down. I havn't recieved any direct answers to it, but I've been feeling more at peace about it.

If anyone wants to listen/watch the remaining sessions, they're on the radio at FM 102.5, or somewhere around there :S. (my radio doesn't show exactly where I'm at) Or you can watch it from the church website
Watch https://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch?lang=eng&cid=HPTU040114644
Listen http://www.mormonchannel.org/radio

Screwtape Letter and the Devil

Again, for my class, we read the Screwtape Letters (an AMAZING book; it makes you look at temptation, and all the little things that come with it). After discussing it, we were challenged to write our own letters. We could do it from any perspective, and send it to any of the characters. I chose to write as the human that Screwtape and Wormwood were trying to tempt:

Dear Screwtape and Wormwood, 

Looking down from heaven, and reviewing my life, I'd like to thank you for the role you played in my temptation. It is accurate to say that "there is opposition in all things." 

Because of the constant need to fight you, I grew stronger, and became closer to, as you call Him, the Enemy. And as a result of my closeness to Him, I was able to become even stronger in resisting you, (truly, as they say, He has "one eternal round"). 

I do lament your deplorable profession, but realize it's value. 

Please realize, that you have no power. The Enemy could destroy you, your colleagues, your leader, and your kingdom; the reason he does not is the same reason I thank you: opposition.  

Just as businesses need opposition to thrive, so people need it to realize their genuine opinions and beliefs. But some businesses crumple under the opposition. Thankfully, we humans have been promised that we will never "be tempted above that which (we) are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that (we) may be able to bear it." 

So, dear Screwtape, you will lose. The victory will come to the righteous and their King.  

Sincerely yours, 

Christian

The Church defines the Devil as "the enemy of righteousness and of those who seek to do the will of God. ... Since the time the devil was cast out of heaven, he has sought constantly to deceive all men and women and lead them away from the work of God in order to make all mankind as miserable as he is."

 

Elder Holland (one of my favorite speakers in General Conference!) said "We speak boldly because Satan is a real being set on destroying you, and you face his influence at a younger and younger age."
There are two videos that he speaks in that refer to Satan's subtle power, and how we need to constantly be alert to him:
Watch Your Step  
Stay Within the Lines 

I know that Satan is a real being, and that he is miserable. He fights the light of Christ in each of us, and tries to persuade us to follow him to everlasting sorrow. 
But we don't have to listen. "God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be ^btempted above that ye are able; but will with the ^ctemptation also make a way to ^descape, that ye may be able to ^ebear it" (1 Corinthinas 10:13)

THE MOUNTAIN-- a journey to salvation

(btw, I'm taking a writing class, which is why many of my recent posts are stories :))

I had grown, and now there was a mountain. My days of innocence had gone, and now I needed to go Home-- the top of the Mountain. 

I wasn't completely certain why this  mountain was mine; after all, there were countless others to choose from. As I scanned the range, I noticed that thought the mountains were different, they all ended in the clouds. 

Behind the clouds was light. 

I looked to my side, to my friend who was to climb this mountain with me. Her mouth hang open as she stared up at it. 

"How will we ever make it?" she asked me. I pointed to the trail, "We just need for follow The Way." 

Before we knew it, we were climbing. The Way was steep and heard. Rocks moved and turned under our feet, creating bruises. Occasionally, we found water and food left for us. There were also signs and notes of encouragement left on the trees; and always counsel never to leave The Way. 

In time, we came to an overlook: a place in the shade with a seat, where we could see how far we'd come, and look up to our goal.  

Then we started moving again. For a while, my friend and I were both optimistic. We both felt energized after the overlook. But when we came to the next deposit of refreshments, my friend refused to join me. 

"I can wait," she said, "I'm still pumped from the overlook." 

"Okay," I said. Worried for her, I ate thoughtfully. 

As we continued, the trail grew harder. My friend insisted on only taking sporadic meals, and soon her strength started to diminish. 

I helped her through the tough spots, and she said she'd eat and drink more, but every time we came to some, she'd just nibble and sip. 

She began to be despondent, and frustrated. 

"Why is the path so hard?" she'd ask me, "Why must we only go 'The Way'?" 

"The Way takes us home," I'd answer, surprised at her questions. "It's the only  Way." 

"Well, what about that  path, over there?" with the arm I wasn't supporting, she pointed off into the trees, where the ground seemed more level, and where a crooked path wound it's way. 

Just then, we came to another overlook. 

"C'mon," I tugged her over to the bench, "Let's rest, and get our bearings." 

Once again, we sat on a bench, and I enjoyed the view. But my friend was jittery, and anxious to explore the crooked path. When we stood again, she went straight into the trees, and onto the path. She gasped, "You've got  to come see this!" 

I hesitated as I reached the edge of The Way. 

"What about food?" I asked. "We'll starve." 

"There's food here, too!" my friend yelled, "And this path take the easy way up he mountain." 

I couldn't let her go off by herself. Maybe I could go convince her to come back, and climb The Way with me. 

Just then, a breeze blew a letter up to my feet. 

No matter how hard it gets, no matter how long it takes, follow The Way. I have gone off onto crooked paths, but they only lead to danger. There is  a Way back to The Way, but it is hard. Trust me, The Way is the only Way. 

(heart) Jen. 

I didn't know Jen, but I knew my friend was in trouble. I had to save her. 

"Wait up!" I called. Already, she'd gone far away. Following, I left The Way. 

As I ran through the trees, I tripped on unseen roots and stones. Soon, I came to a fork in the middle of the road. Which way had my friend gone? 

I shouted her name, but she didn't answer. Fatigued, I looked around for the food she'd mentioned. Finding some, I ate it-- it disappeared in my mouth like a breath. What had I done? 

Then I saw the Way to The Way. By the entrance was another note. 

You've made a mistake, ______. But I've prepared this path for you. You've made it harder than it could've been, but you can still get back home. This Way will lead you home. 

(heart), Your Brother. 

I went. This Way was  hard, but there was real food and water here, and hope! Looking at the thick foliage around me, I knew that this Way had been forged with a  great sacrifice. 

At last, I reached The Way again-- right where I'd left it. I still had scars from my time off the path, but they had healed. I went over to the overlook where I'd last seen my friend. I looked up the Mountain to where Home was, and felt a renewed vigor and dedication to get there. 

I started climbing once more. Although it was still difficult, I had faith that I was heading Home. 

Occasionally, I could see the crooked path; but I also saw pits, cliffs, ledges, and dead ends. I hoped and prayed that my friend would make it back. 

As I was resting at another overlook, I heard someone running up behind me. I turned, and cried for joy! There was my friend! Out of breath and scarred, but happy and strong. I asked her what had happened. 

"After I left The Way, I followed the crooked path to a river. I ate a lot of the food, but it was never enough. The crooked path led through a river, and there was no other way for me to go. I decided I could swim it. I never even got half-way.

"The river pulled me farther and farther down; I struggled for breath! …" my friend shook her head as she stared at the ground. I put my arms around her, and listened. 

"I knew I would be taken down the Mountain, all the way. I didn't want that. I wanted to go Home again. I'd forgotten my goal, and my purpose. But once I remembered and desired it again, the oddest thing happened. Someone gave me strength. I used it, and swam as swiftly as I could for the bank.  

"When I finally got out, I was stained a muddy brown. I found another path, but it seemed different from the crooked paths. Following it, I came to a pond, with a sign that said "Malada," and some hard soap. I knew what to do. I took the soap, and washed up!" 

I looked into my friends eyes: sparkling, looking up at the Mountain. 

"It felt so good to be clean again," she breathed softly. 

"How did you catch up with me so quickly?" I asked her. 

"I ran. I ran all The Way. I ate the food, drank the water, and stopped at every overlook I could," she stood, "And now I'm ready to begin again. Shall we go?" 

So we did. We got up, and climbed the Mountain.

Twelve Years

A Retelling of Mark 5 and Luke 8 by Tova
All scripture references are taken from the King James Version of the Bible

I stare at him in shock. This feeling I've had, inside of me, is bleeding? It can be fixed, he says... with a miracle. 

*** 

That same day... 

Looking at my wife, I smile; then turn back to my little girl, my firstborn. She smiles at me.  

"We did it, Jairus," I hear my wife say. "We've been blessed." 

I nod to her. Gently taking her hand, I squeezed it with the force of my love. This child filled something in me that I hadn't know was void. 

*** 

Twelve years later... 

Oh please, Messiah! Come, take me away from here! Save my daughter!  

All night I have worked, my husband beside me. All night, yet still she fades. Our only one, our blessing. 

Please, Messiah! Please! 

The Messiah. 

I turn to my husband, "Jairus, search out Jesus. Find Him, beg Him to come." 

Briskly nodding, he steps out, and leaves. I turn back to our daughter-- pale, on the threshold of death. 

*** 

I must get to Him. He can heal my daughter. No matter what the Pharisees say; No matter if I lose my place in the synagogue; I must find Him 

*** 

The man from the synagogue hurries past me. I can barely touch his hem as he rushes past. I am too weak to go many places now. I just sit here, focusing on living.  

Too many physicians. Too many herbs. My issue is just the same, or worse, than it was twelve years ago. I just wait here for my chance; for my time.  

The lepers speak of Him, as do those who were lame. Jesus of Nazareth, the Savior. He can heal me. I must wait for Him. Even if I only touch His cloak, that will be enough. I just need Him near. 

*** 

Stretching, I step off of the ship. Across the sea, I'd just seen a mad man freed from the legion of devils which had bound him. Musing, I looked at the man walking in front of me, meeting the people. Nothing much on the outside, a normal face and stature. Yet inside, you could tell, He was pure, radiant, loving, innocent, guiltless, and all other things good. Whenever His eyes rested on me, I knew He knew me, and loved me in spite of that. A feeling rose up with in me, which I'd come to recognize. It was the feeling He brought, and that thoughts of Him brought. It rose from my heart into my throat, and tried to express itself, but my mind understood that there was no words which could conjure this feeling, except words expressed by Him. 

A man is racing through the crowd, right up to the Master. Falling on his knees, he cries out, "Lord, my little daughter lies at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy ahands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live" 

How amazing that this man, a ruler of the synagogue-- where many have rejected the Master-- should show such faith. 

Of course, the Master agrees, and follows the man. The crowd follows us, pushing in from all sides. 

*** 

I can see an unusual crowd coming. Could it be? Yes! I see Him! He is at the front, smiling, with His hands reaching out; comforting, accepting gifts. Where His hands can not reach, His eyes go. Bridges of light offering love to one and all.  

I don't ask for His hands, or even for a glance from His eyes. I just need a bit of his garment, a brief contact, and I will be whole.  

He's approaching. I gather my strength. Just one moment... please.... It happens! Through the crowd, I reach, and barely catch the tip. I feel a surge coming in me, and my bleeding stops. 

*** 

The Master is no longer following the ruler. He's looking around. What could He be looking for? 

"Who touched me?" 

Confused, I ask Him, "Thou sees the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?" 

"Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that power as gone out of me." 

Power. Had some devil come? Or was it something more simple, more righteous? 

*** 

He's searching the crowd. Could He have perceived my small touch? I didn't disturb Him, did I? I never meant to cause trouble. I never even spoke.  

Soon, He will see me. Trembling, I step forward, and our eyes meet. All my fear washes away with those love-bright eyes. I tell Him what I'd done, and why.  

"Daughter, be of good cheer. Thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace." 

*** 

As the Master speaks, a servant runs up to the ruler--Jairus-- who has been waiting impatiently behind us. I catch their whispered words: "Thy daughter is dead. Trouble not the Master." Turning, I can see the ruler's face fill with despair. He nearly drops, but miraculously, the Master is there. 

"Fear not, only believe, and she shall be made whole." 

*** 

"Whole" I hear the word, floating above my dark thoughts. I look at the woman, the cause of this delay. She had just been made whole. Maybe the Lord could make my daughter that way, too. Alive. Happy. Whole.  

*** 

Oh Messiah! Oh my daughter! 

He did not come! Jairus... he was not here.  

My daughter! The last feverish throws! Oh, horrid memory!  

Why are these people here. Trying to seem sad, beggars in rich clothes. Oh my daughter! 

Messiah! Bring her back! Please, bring her back to me! 

*** 

Three of us follow the Master and Jairus: Peter, my brother John, and myself. Working our way from one crowd to the next mob-- the one surrounding Jairus' house.  

Distinctly, we hear the tumult, sounding like one, loud, confused noise. Above the minstrels and mourners, the Master casts his voice.  

"Give place, why make ye this ado, and weep? The maid is not dead, but sleepeth." 

*** 

Who is this man, to disturb us? 

We have seen the girl, there is no breath in her. Does he take us for fools? 

He is deserving of ridicule, and mockery.  

The audacity! This common man, never seen before in this house, presumes to make us leave.  

The master of the house does nothing. He just wallows in his own sadness as we are escorted away.  

The audacity! 

*** 

Oh my daughter! The Messiah has not come! 

The noise dims around me dims. I look up from my daughter's death bed. 

Through my tears, I see a man, light radiating from him. He approaches, and I turn back to my child, and lay, weeping, across her still body. 

*** 

The hope that first woke in my heart on seeing the woman made whole has grown.  

This man could heal my daughter. Still, seeing her eerie quietness, I cannot help but cry. I go to kneel by my wife, one hand on her shoulder, the other on my child's knee. 

*** 

"Talitha Cumi. Damsel, I say unto thee, arise." 

Through my sobs, I feel a different throb. My daughter stirs. 

*** 

The three of us look at each other, astonished at the power the Master holds. To be able to raise from the dead... what a wonder. What a gift for these two parents, who are now embracing the maid.  

Finally, they remember who has blessed them, and they turn to the master. 

He tells them to tell no one what had happened. 

Then, with a gentle smile, he reminded them that the maid should have something to eat.