My Three Wishes

Like most adults, the day had come when I felt incapacitated by my to-do list. I had homework, housework, a puppy to manage, and a husband to bond with and I didn't know where to start. I ended up breaking down in the shower, and as I talked to myself, I came up with my three wishes. They weren't general helps, like more patience or more time; I wanted someone to walk Zoe, to make dinner, and to wash the mountain of dishes. Everything else, I felt I could manage. If Zoe wasn't jumping on me, I could study better. If the mountain of dishes wasn't judging me, I could clean the rest of the apartment in peace, etc. If only someone could come and magically grant my wishes. 

My wishes were granted, but it wasn't magic. I messaged my husband, letting him know that I couldn't make dinner, so he could decide if he wanted to get something or make something. He came home and cooked! Wish number one. I found an assignment that involved watching a documentary and watched that as I washed the dishes. Wish number two. The next day, I decided that it was important to take time for Zoe, so I took her on a walk. Wish number three! When I realized that I had granted my own wishes (with help from my husband), it was so empowering. I had managed to grant not only those wishes but finish my other responsibilities as well. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, by Phillip Brooks:
“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."

In Numbers 14, Moses and the children of Israel finally have the Promised Land within their reach. But then the spies that Moses sent to scout for the fruits of the land come back with bad news--the land is already populated by giant, strong men. The spies and many of the people lose faith in the power of God and despair. "Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness!" (vs. 2). How incredible that these people, having seen all they have seen of God's power, would give up on Him. The Lord says, "how long will it be ere they believe me, for all the signs which I have shewed among them?" (vs. 11) Joshua and Caleb try to reassure them and reanimate their faith: "The land, which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land. If the Lord delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey. Only rebel not ye against the Lord, neither fear ye the people of the land..." (vs. 7-9)

Sometimes life is overwhelming. Our Promised Land might look beautiful, but it requires faith and work to get there. Are we willing to trust in the Lord? Are we willing to look past the challenges and into the beauty that we're fighting for?

There is a second part to the story from Numbers 14. After being told that they wouldn't be able to enter the Promised Land, a group of people decided not to wait. They decided to go in their own strength to take the land. Moses warned them that they were going against the word of God and wouldn't have Him with them. But they went anyway and were killed.  

At the time when I made my three wishes, I was preparing for a book discussion on "The Tao of Pooh," which discusses Taoism and finding peace according to Winnie the Pooh. One of my favorite parts tells a fable of a river that is so wild and fast and full of rocks, that anyone who entered the river died. But one day, a boy saw an old man in the water, bobbing up and down. The boy called for help, but the old man emerged unscathed. When asked how he did it, the old man replied that he had learned long ago to go with the flow of the river, to submit to its superior power. 

We might become impatient as we are working towards our blessings. At those times, we should remember to seek the will of God. He has the power to help us, but we need to trust in His plan and His timing. 

Grace Series: Yet another Parallel between Grace and my Violin

My mom and I had the opportunity to perform a piano-violin duet of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" during Sacrament Meeting yesterday (click here for the meaning of Sacrament Meeting.)
I love playing my violin in my home and accompanying the ward choir, but I have a hard time with doing solos. It seems as if no matter how hard I practice, when performance time comes I mess up. So yesterday I was praying and praying that it would work out. I was begging Heavenly Father to help my fingers go in the right place, to keep the bow from squeaking (it never does it at home, but it always does it when I'm in front of fifty people :S).
But despite all my prayers, I squeaked. Despite my begging, some notes were flat. As I was putting my violin away, I asked "Why didn't I get your grace? Why wasn't it perfect?"
Then I looked out into the faces of the people I'd played for. Some of them were crying. The Spirit was in the room.
This is My Grace, the Spirit gave Heavenly Father's words to me. After all you can do, I will do the rest.

2 Nephi 4-- Becoming a Miracle

2 Nephi 4 is one of my favorite chapters about Nephi. Because in that chapter, it really seems like Nephi just opens up his soul and pours his heart out on the "paper" (it was plates of metal back then).
In chapter 3, his father Lehi dies. Soon after that his brothers and brothers-in-law plan to kill Nephi, his family, and his other supporters. His brothers are planning this!!
That is Nephi's life when chapter 4 begins. He just lost his dad, they're in a strange land, and his own brothers want him dead.
When the chapter starts Nephi cries unto God. But not about his trials. He begs God to take away his sins and his weaknesses. That's one thing I love about Nephi; when he is in a tough situation he's not afraid to tough it out.

One of my favorite quotes is this... "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your power. Pray for power equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle." (~Phillips Brooks)

Then Nephi says "19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh."

After he's asked for forgiveness, God gives it to him. The rest of the chapter is a beautiful prayer of praise to God.
Nephi spends three verses lamenting his sins very sincerely, but then he spends fifteen verses praising the source of his redemption.

Then comes chapter 5, verse 2: But behold, (my brothers') anger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life.

Nothing changed! His dad was still dead, he was still in a new country, and his brothers were still trying to kill him!

But now he had peace. He had God on his side, and he knew it. He'd received forgiveness and felt God's love. And God had given him the strength to continue on.

Nick Vujicic is another inspirational man. Here is one of his messages:

The Recovering Perfectionist

One of my dear, dear friends recently started a blog called "The Recovering Perfectionist." In it, she shares her story. She gave me permission to share it here:

A couple of years ago I began to worry about my appearance. I looked in the mirror and pointed out- and even made up- countless flaws. I compared myself to others and I became distressed. I’ve always had a perfectionistic nature, and I believed the countless lies around me that I was never enough. Little by little I become more obsessed with how I looked, and I saw food as something bad- and I thought that the less you had the better. The media was saying that carbs were bad, and fat foods were bad, and sugar was bad. And in my attempt to do everything perfectly, I started to count calories and restrict my intake. I didn’t realize that little by little I was leading myself deeper into a pit of destructive mental habits. Pretty soon food became my fear and my enemy. I became an unhealthy weight and my family was concerned. I was miserable. I felt trapped. False body perception wasn't the only thing that contributed to my eating disorder. I indulged in this false sense of control. But never were things more out of control. I couldn't go to activities with friends for fear that they would try to get me to eat  certain things that weren't on my list of acceptable foods. If I didn't exercise one day I felt like a complete failure. My family began to notice that I would make excuses to skip family meals. Meanwhile these unhealthy habits took control over more and more portions of my life. My mom tried to tell me that she thought I had a problem, but I was in denial. "A mental disorder? No, not me- I was fine." I told myself. But deep inside I knew I wasn't fine. I was cold, dizzy, moody, sick and stressed out all the time. My hair was falling out in frighteningly big amounts.I was terrified. How had I immobilized myself in such a way? Finally, I admitted with devastation that I really did have a problem. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was the beginning of a new freedom in my life. My mom and I constructed a healthy meal plan and I stopped exercising to give myself a chance to recover.  The road has been difficult, but so rewarding. I share my feelings with my mom, who is always gives me further light and knowledge. I also decided to visit with a counselor weekly, even though I was gaining weight and doing better, because I still was having some irrational fears and concerns. This really helps me to see what skills I can work on and how I can achieve better self confidence. I share my story as a message of hope. We can and will win this war. Whether it be a battle of depression, mental illness, addiction- or any other thought habit holding us back. These wars of the mind can be overcome.

Now you may think that to all of her friends this was obvious. She describes how she became unhealthily thin and was avoiding friend gatherings; but the truth is... I had no idea. The way I saw my dear friend was as a sweet, gorgeous, talented young woman and a wonderful friend. I had no clue that she was struggling with an eating disorder.

Please be aware of this epidemic. My friend has some great resources on her blog and there are other places out there where you can also get help, or where your friends can get help. 

“Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. … God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there” ~Thomas S Monson

General Conference Thoughts: Becoming a more Disciplined Disciple

General Conference Thoughts: Becoming a more Disciplined Disciple

Okay, so I have a confession. A few months ago (alright, so around a year ago), I realized I had a problem with self-discipline. I had a hard time controlling desires such as my desire for chocolate, my desire for sleeping in (which I couldn’t do anyway :( ), and my desire to NOT run. At first I ignored it, because that’s what I do when I initially see my weaknesses-- I hide from them. Then I decided it needed to be faced and fixed.

But how do you fix a problem with self-discipline? You need the very virtue you’re struggling with in order to strengthen it!

So I tried a few different things. I tried rewarding myself.

Epic fail!

Whenever I didn’t do what I was trying to do (which was frequently) I had created a whole new battle for myself. “Oh, but I tried.” “But it looks so good.” “I’ll get it now to motivate myself for next time.” etc. etc. etc.

I tried making lists, schedules, and plans. There were some pretty good ones, too. However, there wasn’t the accountability that I was needing.

So this year, for the October session of the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I had two questions prepared. 1) How can I develop more discipline? 2) How can I become a better disciple?
One of the talks that stood out the most to me was by Devin Durrant, "My Heart Pondereth them Continually." In it, he invites us to take a verse of scripture each week, print it out, and put it somewhere where we will see it.
Well, one of the aspects of my struggle with discipline has been doing things daily. So, I decided to put my mini-scriptures in my work bag so I could read them and look at my verse during my breaks.
The verse I opened up to was in Mormon 9: 28 Be wise in the days of your probation; strip yourselves of all uncleanness; ask not, that ye may consume it on your lusts, but ask with a firmness unshaken, that ye will yield to no temptation, but that ye will serve the true and living God.
(this is where my jaw drops open)
In one scripture, I had my answers. As I "ponderized" the verse, a plan of action came. This plan was unlike my other ones for two reasons. God was in this one, and He wanted me to include my mom and brother. 

I know that through the spirit I was guided to my answer. God could have given me the plan a year ago when I started trying to overcome my challenge. But I needed to be listening and acting on words of the prophets, reading my scriptures, and showing that I was ready to listen and obey.

Grace Part 1---Christ's Grace is Sufficient

To start off this post, here's a story told by Brad Wilcox:

A BYU student once came to me and asked if we could talk. I said, “Of course. How can I help you?”

She said, “I just don’t get grace.”

I responded, “What is it that you don’t understand?”

She said, “I know I need to do my best and then Jesus does the rest, but I can’t even do my best.”

She then went on to tell me all the things she should be doing because she’s a Mormon that she wasn’t doing.

She continued, “I know that I have to do my part and then Jesus makes up the difference and fills the gap that stands between my part and perfection. But who fills the gap that stands between where I am now and my part?”

She then went on to tell me all the things that she shouldn’t be doing because she’s a Mormon, but she was doing them anyway.

Finally I said, “Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makesall the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us.”

Seeing that she was still confused, I took a piece of paper and drew two dots—one at the top representing God and one at the bottom representing us. I then said, “Go ahead. Draw the line. How much is our part? How much is Christ’s part?”

She went right to the center of the page and began to draw a line. Then, considering what we had been speaking about, she went to the bottom of the page and drew a line just above the bottom dot.

I said, “Wrong.”

She said, “I knew it was higher. I should have just drawn it, because I knew it.”

I said, “No. The truth is, there is no line. Jesus filled the whole space. He paid our debt in full. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid it all. It is finished.”

She said, “Right! Like I don’t have to do anything?”

“Oh no,” I said, “you have plenty to do, but it is not to fill that gap. We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and how long we plan to stay there.”

Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice—not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His. Justice requires immediate perfection or a punishment when we fall short. Because Jesus took that punishment, He can offer us the chance for ultimate perfection (see Matthew 5:48, 3 Nephi 12:48) and help us reach that goal. He can forgive what justice never could, and He can turn to us now with His own set of requirements (see 2 Nephi 2:7; 3 Nephi 9:20).

“So what’s the difference?” the girl asked. “Whether our efforts are required by justice or by Jesus, they are still required.”

“True,” I said, “but they are required for a different purpose. Fulfilling Christ’s requirements is like paying a mortgage instead of rent or like making deposits in a savings account instead of paying off debt. You still have to hand it over every month, but it is for a totally different reason.”

("His Grace is Sufficient" by Brad Wilcox)

I know that through Christ's grace, through His Atonement and His love, we can all be healed. We can feel His peace and the happiness that comes with it.

Just a quick thought...

“There is not one of us but what God’s love has been expended upon. There is not one of us that He has not cared for and caressed. There is not one of us that He has not desired to save, and that He has not devised means to save. There is not one of us that He has not given His angels charge concerning. We may be insignificant and contemptible in our own eyes, and in the eyes of others, but the truth remains that we are the children of God, and that He has actually given His angels—invisible beings of power and might—charge concerning us, and they watch over us and have us in their keeping.”
-- Pres George Q Cannon
(Click here to view the entire talk by Pres. Eyring)

Worth Waiting For...

Pres. Uchtdorf also talked about this in his talk "Continuing in Patience":

In the 1960s, a professor at Stanford University began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. He placed before them a large marshmallow and then told them they could eat it right away or, if they waited for 15 minutes, they could have two marshmallows.

He then left the children alone and watched what happened behind a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; some could wait only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait.

It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he kept track of the children and began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships.

What started as a simple experiment with children and marshmallows became a landmark study suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—was a key character trait that might predict later success in life.

Patience can be seen as the mother of all virtues. If you don't have the patience to listen, how can you be teachable? If you don't have patience, how can you develope charity or faith? If you don't have patience, how can you maintain your chastity?
Impatience can also be the mother of all vices. Impatience leads to anger, pride, and insecurity.

Pres. Monson said: Oh, precious youth, please give life a chance. Apply the virtue of patience.

Here is one of my favorite poems:

 Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life isn't a race, so take it slower,
Hear the music before your song is over

Come Unto Christ!

Each year, the Church comes up with a theme for the youth based on a scripture.
A few years ago, it was D&C 115:5 "Arise and shine forth!"
Last year it was D&C 87:8 "Stand ye in holy places"
This year, it's Moroni 10:32 "Come unto Christ"

This is a video, introducing the entire scripture.
https://www.lds.org/youth/video/come-with-us?lang=eng#d

There is a song to go with it, too!!
https://www.lds.org/youth/video/come-unto-christ-2014-theme-song?lang=eng

I love that it shows such different and real struggles: self-worth, death/illness, parental/family relationships, and addiction. 
He really can help us with ANYTHING!! No matter how unique your trial is, He knows what you feel! Because of the Atonement, He can relate with us. 

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee ^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

 8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he? (D&C 122)

The Young Men General Presidency said "Because of His Atonement, we can gain the power to serve, to deny ourselves of ungodly things in our lives, and to feel His infinite love. As we do so, we will find true peace and happiness."

I know that Coming Unto Christ is what we have to do in this life (or at least TRY to do :)). The more we try to become like Him, the better we'll be, the more peace and happiness we'll have, and the better our lives will be (but not neccessarily in a worldy sense ;))

Moroni 10:32 Yea, ^acome unto Christ, and be ^bperfected in him, and ^cdeny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and ^dlove God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be ^eperfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

Our Talents--They're from God

Leonardo da Vinci was a man of many talents. He was a botanist, an inventor, an astronomer, a painter, a writer. But what would have happened if he hadn't developed those talents? Think of how much would have been wasted. Look at all he did. If he hadn't tried, and committed to his education we wouldn't have Mona Lisa, the Last Supper, or any of his notebooks! We also need to develop our talents.  

In the parable of the Talents, the Lord (symbolic of Heavenly Father) gives his servants (us) talents. Some of the servant use their talents, and gain more. Because of their work, the Lord gives them places in his house. But one of the servants was afraid, and hid his talent. When he showed the one talent to the Lord, the Lord was angry with him for wasting it. He didn't waste it by losing it, he'd lost it by not using  it. Why would Jesus share this parable with His followers, and with us? He did it because He knew that we would be afraid; that we would want to hide our talents. Maybe we think that we don't have talents. Maybe we see others developing their talents, and they seem to be the best, and there's no way we can catch up with them. All those reasons show fear, but we don't have to be afraid. We need to pursue our talents. Dr. Posin said, "Perhaps the development of whatever talent there is counts for more than just having a talent." 

What are some talents that i  want to develop? Well, I want to learn the constellations; I want to read a lot of books; I want to be a writer and a teacher. In order to develop these, I need to look for people who have those talents, or books that teach about those talents. I also need to commit to develop them, otherwise I could just drop them any time, and that is not what talents are for.  

Every agood bgift and every perfect cgift is from above, and dcometh down from the eFather of lights. ... (-James 1:17KJV) Isn't that a nice thought. Your talent, your gift, has come from God. He gave it to you to use, to develop. If you don't use it, it's like throwing a present, unopened, into the garbage. So develop your talents, and I'll develop mine, and together, we can become like da Vinci. Even better, we can give some of our talents to our Heavenly Father, and help His other children do the same.

(this is a video about a young man who worked at a talent he wanted, and really succeeded with it)

Broken

I've noticed a lot of songs/stories about things that are broken.
Often, we see these things (trials, spilled milk, bad days) as bad things. But if we look at them with an eternal perspective, thinking about how it can help us throughout eternity, then most of those things turn into growing experiences for our good.

(Broken, by Kenneth Cope)

 We are also broken with our imperfection. Elder Holland said "Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we."
Here is a story that I love that illustrates how God can use our weaknesses:
 

A waterbearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole, which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it. While the other pot was perfect, and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the mistress's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to her master's house.
The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream: "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your mistress's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in her compassion she said, "As we return to the mistress's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?
“That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them.
“For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my mistress's table. Without you being just the way you are, she would not have this beauty to grace her house."

It is sooo true!

Here is one more song that is similar to the first

Thankfully, because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can become whole, and be made anew.

Moroni 10:32 32 Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.